The launch of a new website, the beginning of my blog writing, and the start of a rehab journey post Hip Surgery. All makes for an interesting Wednesday.
I’m 27, I moved away for university, I’ve moved my base back home but I’ve travelled the world as an elite amateur and more recently a professional golfer. I’m independent. But I’m now here asking my mum and boyfriend for help to get my pants and socks on. Yes of course I say it all the time, it could be way worse and there are unfortunate people who have coped with much worse than what I am going through. But this is tough. It’s a combination of things; I feel useless in the house, I feel as though I’ve lost my independence, I feel I’ve let people around me and my sponsors down. The hardest part I think is that I walked into hospital a week ago, I could do most things, yes in varying levels of pain but I could do it. I had surgery and I shuffled out of hospital the next morning on crutches to face a rehab journey like I’ve never had before. Of course it’s all temporary, but normal seems so far away right now. I’m just at the beginning of the rehab journey and I’m more than confident that day by day things will get easier. I’ll regain more movement, more strength, more independence, the ability to play and compete again, Hannah will be back.
Last week in the hours after left hip surgery I had to ask a nurse to simply help me out of bed to shuffle 5 yards to the toilet. I apologised profusely for asking her, I apologised to the next nurse for having to bring me more water, apologised again to the next nurse for having to turn the light off. Simple tasks were suddenly very very tough. But, I was greeted with the same response upon asking, ‘of course’, ‘no problem’, ‘anything else we can do, just ask’ and ‘that’s why we are here’. Asking for help is hard; but the response is more often that someone will help. When someone asks you for help, what do you do? Like me, I am sure you would also help. So why do I find it hard to ask!?
Since discharge from hospital on Thursday morning everything I have done, and I mean everything, I have had to ask for some form of help or assistance. I mean, its so nice to be so loved and cared for, but there is so much I wish I could just do myself, but I know that will come. My family have been hero's in helping me do the simplest of tasks and assisting me each day in making those tiny gains that over the next few months will build and build. The gains right now are small, the shuffling about is getting easier but asking for help is still hard!
It’s made me realise how asking for help is such a hard thing to do, every single human being needs help at some point during their life, some more than others but everyone needs it. More so than ever in the last 12 months; during this pandemic the whole world has been asking for help. It’s a skill, a skill so many people including myself are uncomfortable in doing.
Is it so hard to ask because as humans we are scared of rejection, scared of judgement, scared of looking needy, not wanting to burden someone else or just the feeling and knowing that there are people worse off than ourselves, so our bump in the road doesn't seem as significant.
Maybe over the next few months I’ll not only become physically stronger again, but I’ll improve my skill of asking for help when needed. Something I think everyone should work on.
I am one week in to the journey, the progress compared to discharge on Thursday morning is already evident which of course is exciting. The road ahead looks long but it will all be worth it.
I am fortunate to have an unbelievable support team around me to help me get back to being Hannah and Hannah the golfer. My family, friends, Sport Scotland, doctor, physio’s, S&C coach and my surgeon. Thanks to their support I’m ready for what’s ahead, the rollercoaster that will come with rehab.
Blog one complete! More will come discussing my current rehab journey, Diabetes and Golf.